Crucial Partnership Conversations

Rich O'Connell -

There will frequently be times in a partnership when you will have to have a challenging conversation with your partner.

These can take many forms, and have many root causes, often out of your control. Common topics include:

  • Changes in strategy
  • Changes in Priority
  • Changes in Roadmap
  • Headwinds facing the Partnership
  • Metrics not moving in the right direction
  • Friction between teams

To help preparing for these "Crucial Conversations" I have found the below check-list helpful.

  1. Evaluate if you have a personal relationship with your counterpart.
    This can be hard to do. Sometimes when you work with someone frequently, you can assume you have a personal connection with them, which may not be the case. Critically evaluate this connection, as it can determine how frank you can be, and how quickly you can move to address issues.
  2. If you have a weak personal connection, or do not know each other for long, then soften your feedback. Everyone is trying to do their best, and going in hot and heavy is rarely helpful.
  3. Simplify your message to one key point.
    It can be tempting to provide a laundry list of changes you want addressed, but can be overwhelming for your partners. Create a draft of topics you want to discuss, and then figure out what the most important topic is, and focus on that for the discussion. The rest can be covered as a follow-up.
  4. Review with Peers
    This is a very important step. Your peer reviewers can provide feedback on clarity and tone, and can help you be more objective and less emotional.
  5. Seek to understand.
    During the meeting, try to keep an open mind, and be receptive to any feedback or context provided by your partner. You will rarely have all of the information, so don't assume that your view of the situation is correct.
  6. Talk Tentatively.
    Don't assume you are right. Position your feedback as an observation, and let people know you want to have a collaborative conversation, and co-create a solution.
  7. Let them talk.
    Once you start the discussion you should spend more time listening then talking. You will learn more this way.

I have learned these lessons the hard way over the years, and have found this to be a helpful approach to plan these difficult, but necessary, conversations.

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